I'm depressed. I am home and i want to go home. Some days are like these. My life has been going on at what seems to be a relentless clip. Does no one get to rest nowadays? Businessmen, doctors, mothers, artists, yoga teachers, secretaries, garbagemen, postal workers, actors, retail clerks, clergymen, dads, editors, students, people. No one gets a break. No one stops. When i stop, i worry that i'm missing something i'm supposed to be doing.
Weed is no longer always the insta-calm that i used to rely on it to be. I consider this a good thing. If weed won't work every time, then i'm either gonna have to move on to harder stuff or learn how to relax. And i'm not moving on to harder stuff before i'm 35. For a long time, i assumed that i would always be relaxed after i smoked. But often what i've called "relaxed" has instead been a state of stagnation. In this state, the body doesn't move much, but the jaw is clenched, the hands are in fists, the shoulders are tight. This is the opposite of relaxation. This is when it's a good idea for me to take a break.
Do you guys out there take breaks? How come? How often and how long? I think, as with any healthy relationship, there needs to be space. I wish i could forever experience and appreciate weed they way i do the first time after a long break. But that's asking a lot of weed. Perhaps it's a catch-22. If i could relax more, i would enjoy weed more. But if i could relax more, would i want weed?
I don't use weed solely for relaxing. In your answers to the question, "why do you smoke?" a few of you point out that weed helps you to bring the magnificence of little, ordinary things to the surface. I, too, love that about weed. I miss the little, ordinary things because i'm going too fast most of the time. Could i stand to slow down a little when i'm sober instead of waiting for weed to catch the grace of an ordinary moment? To use the relationship metaphor again, i don't want to put expectations on weed that are more about me needing to develop certain traits rather than weed fulfilling the things that i lack. I want to smoke weed because it's weed, not because i don't know what i'd do without it.
This isn't the funnest post. But remember the contest? You could win something. That's fun.
Happy Friday the 13th, lovelies.
SG
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4 comments:
I stumbled upon this blog, and I love it!!
I'm from Montreal, lived in London (England) from 1990, and in Helsingorg (Sweden) from 2002.
I'm been puffing on and off since age 11. I'm not a stoner (not much stuff here), but I really enjoy it when I can get it.
Just don't stress yourself out, girl. You'll know when you need a proper break.
Get in touch if you want. It wouldn't take too much research on your part to do that.
Take it easy, and have a bong for me.
Oops, sorry - meant Helsingborg!
God, and I'm not even buzzed...
no i've never really taken a break. i probably should, because when i come back i would feel a lot more stoned when i smoke, but i've never really had the willpower. i get lonely without pot. with pot, i enjoy being by myself. without it, i want to be with other people. but when i'm with other people, i always feel like i'd prefer to be by myself. so for now, pot seems to do it's job. i guess i stopped for a week last year because i watched a show about addiction (okay, it was addiction to heroin and meth, but still) and it freaked me out. not that stopping for a week means i'm not an addict, but oh well. i realized i was more addicted to my antidepressants than to pot, since getting of them would literally make me feel like i was going through heroin withdrawal. so i got of those, and stayed with pot.
waiting for an update!! :-)
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