with this whole being a person thing right now. My finances are in such a mess that ShittyBank blocked my accounts, both checking and savings. Banks can just do stuff like that. I remember once i deposited $200 in cash, along with some checks to an ATM. Never had a problem before, but a couple days later, i got a letter in the mail that said, "Please note that your deposit on xx/xx/xxxx was for $465, not $665, as indicated on your deposit slip. Please adjust your records." I called them, of course, to say, "What the fuck?" I even cried. Not in the-i'm-trying-to-get-out-of-a-parking-ticket kind of a way, but in the-my-rent's-due-in-two-days-and-you-have screwed-me-over kind of a way. ShittyBank said they would be conducting an investigation, which i'm sure went something like this:
"Hey, Gary. Did you happen to misplace $200 from this girl's deposit?"
"No."
"Ok. Thanks."
Then they sent me a letter saying that their investigation yielded no results.
I distinctly remember being Not-Stoned-Grrrl when i made that deposit. What was i supposed to do after they told me i was SOL for the 2-hunny? Hire a lawyer? If i'm crying over losing $200, does it make sense for me to take legal action? No. And they know that.
And you know what else? I fucking hate their ads that are so "Money's not the important thing. It's about spending time with your kids before they have kids and the seasons go 'round and 'round and you can't take it with you so let us handle your finances so you can be a provider of money as well as love."
But also, i know a lot of it is my fault. I'm not absolving ShittyBank or any other bank from being at least a little evil to po' folk like me. However, i know i spend too much money on weed and food. (Interesting. Maybe if i didn't get the munchies, i would spend less on food. But then i'd probably spend more on weed.) Am i the stoner stereotype? Whenever i screw up anything financially, i feel like such a non-person. The skills that i've been blessed with, while i consider them to be extremely important for the soul and heart, don't do much for keeping the body fed. Or clothed. I had to sell all my clothes to pay the electric bill and i'm writing this naked.
If i wanna be happy and financially solvent, i'm gonna have to start looking for a literary agent. I'm gonna have to start seeing myself as a writer who has something unique and necessary to share with the world. In other words, i'm gonna have to believe in myself more and work a little harder. I find myself daydreaming about the days when i'm able to pay rent and bills and student loans and have a little to put away for my dreamhouse on Prospect Park. I feel so financially and career-ily hopeless right now that the daydreams sadden me.
If my daydreams are bumming me out, it must be time to numb out. On to the toke.
love y'all,
SG
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3 comments:
hey -
found you on CL
I will be hanging around.
I dig your blog so far.
no amazingly insiteFUll comments from me , just hi
-jay
:>
Hey there
I randomly stumbled across your blog. It's refreshingly different, i enjoyed reading it.
I'm just a poor student so i completely understand. One time i went out and $10 fell from my pocket and i just started crying!
Actually that doesnt prove my point, that just makes me sound like a sheltered little girl..
ANYWAY! update again! :D will check back
I've known a number of people in the arts over the years. I'd advise getting employment as a proofreader, copywriter, reporter, editor or something similar. The people that I've known that wanted to do their art independent of going to a job every day have been less successful, at least economically.
Your writing on the blog is very good, but business is another thing altogether. The same is true for music, and other arts. It's extremely competitive and unfair, which I'm sure you understand. I know that you'll be much more comfortable with a steady income with job security, and this will make your crative work easier - not to mention the "networking" advantage.
Bill in Brooklyn
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