Pretty

Emily asks, "What is it about pot that's just so good?" I talk about why i smoke here, but you know what? It's the holiday season. Things can be uber-stressful. Let's just be thankful that it is so good and that we're able to get our hands on it most of the time and we can make our resolutions in a couple of weeks. What are you guys doing for New Year's? I might see Patti Smith play at the Bowery. And my friends always throw a party at Tillary Street. It's a reliable shindig, but i wish there were more dancing.

I spent about 90 minutes throwing a personal dance party today. I am an excellent dancer. If you go to the Bowery, that's how you'll recognize me - as the best dancer there.

I found out today that The Maybe Crush is single and that we have friends in common that i didn't know about. How do i do this, you guys? How do you get to know someone you see for 15 minutes a week? I swear to you tha i am a pretty girl and not a middle-aged, balding man posing as a pretty girl, but i get filled with self-doubt and junior high shyness when i see him. When he sees me, he whispers hello as if we were in a library and i do my best to keep eye contact. I must be obvious. Being an actor, i'm trained to use my entire body to express what i'm feeling. It's habitual by now and i'm usually forced into honesty even when i'm doing my best to lie because i have too many tells. Don't ask what they are.

He must know or assume that i have a crush on because if i were him, i'd assume that every woman under 40 and most above had crushes in him. That's what i assume. That's why i'm sorta like, "Why bother?" How can i possibly stand out with the crowd we run with? Oh, just look at all this self-doubt. It's remarkable how much 7th grade deja-vu i'm having.