Sound and Noise.

My ipod is broken. There's no left-channel sound anymore. I've tried a few different sets of headphones. I'm so sad about it that i'm tempted to use an emoticon.

My ipod is the main reason i'm able to leave my house ever. There are few things i look forward to more than putting on my headphones and stepping out of my home for a destination-less walk. Without my sense of hearing, i look at things more closely. My eyes draw the cityscape around me into me. As i walk i gather trees, leaves, dogshit, buildings, the Statue of Liberty, airplanes into my arms and put them in my pocket to examine and write about later. You all belong to me, i say as i walk past garbage cans and stray cats. And so do you, i tell all the people who look me in the eye and all the people that look down at the ground, as if they had done something naughty, as if looking at another human being were a sin, an invasion.

I am thankful that this is the saddest news in my world right now. Perhaps it's not sad. I'll hear the city more. And understand what makes a city and why i want this one to be mine.

The BQE goes by my apartment. My first night, The Ex rolled a joint for me and my old roommate, Carla. I was still trying to make The Ex mine again back then. As i was falling asleep that night, i tried to send my thoughts to The Ex's apartment, a block and a half away. Come over. Come over. I miss you. I love you. Why won't you take me back?

Every time i drifted off, a truck would roll its as-tall-as-i-am tires over the Expressway and return me to awakening. It was as if i were a witch performing a very complicated spell. As soon as i awoke, i aimed my focused thoughts right to him. It was not a very good night's sleep.

The next morning, i told him that the traffic on the BQE kept me up all night. Yeah, he said, you get used to it. It's like that at my place,too. You remember.

I said yes, but i was lying.

:(